31 August, 2009

Who Am I You Ask? Let Me Introduce Myself.

Jit, (as they call me) thanks for tagging me. It took a while for me to get started coz I don't really know what to say. But hey, here it goes.

I am my own contradiction. I am one thing and another, all at the same time. Here's the best I came up with to tell the world who I am.

Passionate but Apathetic

Passionate. There are several things I am very passionate about: my mom, my son, my God. I love them with a purple passion and a cherry on top! I choose to devote myself to them. They make me incredibly happy. I make them happy (well, I'm not sure if God's happy with me, hehehe. Working on it, Lord!). If only weekends were longer and work hours shorter!

Apathetic. I'm passionate about important things, couldn't care less about other things. There are just some things that I wouldn't spend time on because I consider it a waste of my life and time. Some of which are opinions of insignificant people- oil price hike, rising cost of living, etc. Sure, I may whine and complain about them, but they don't really affect my overall happiness. I know when to categorize them as life-changing, and when to call them petty.

Loyal but Willing to Let Go

Loyal as a dog. I have a lot of acquaintances and I'm nice to everyone but I count only a handful as really close friends. I do not aim to be the most popular or to be the most liked, I always aim to just be myself when I'm with other people. When my acquaintances turn out to be diamonds in the rough, I give myself to the friendship to make it shine. And when I call you a friend, I am one for life. It doesn't matter if I don't see them often, if I don't communicate with them often, if I consider them my friends, I am there for them for whatever reason. WHATEVER reason. I am loyal in that way. I have CONVICTION!!!

Willing to let go. Although I value my friendships, I can also let go and turn away when needed. There was a time in my life when I turned away from a very close friend. I chose to shut her out of my life and call her a stranger. It was a painful day when I decided we will never be the kind of friends anymore but I was loyal as a friend to her and expected the same from her. She did not rise to the challenge. I give only the best of myself to my friends and demanding as it may sound, if they can't do the same, then I can let them go.

Mature but Childish

Mature. I project myself maturely. I don't sound young, I don't sound like a crazy teeny bopper (thank God!). I'm not so into cutesy-cutesy things. I don't really like blue. I'm more comfortable in blacks and earth colors. I look credible and believable when I speak. I'd like to think it's not only the outer me that shouts maturity. I'd also like to believe I am mature in thinking. Malawak ang pag-uunawa ko. I do not judge quickly. I am open-minded. I am forgiving of people's imperfections (including my own). I listen. I give solid gold advice (or so I was told).

Childish. Sometimes, I forget that I'm in my late 30’s. I can be childish. I whine and sulk when I don't get my way. I so understand kids when they throw tantrums - nakakarelate ako. Maybe that's why kids like me, they know I get them. Hehehe. I can be nauseatingly makulit. I can pester and annoy til I get what I want. At times, I don't realize I'm being irritating coz it's so second nature for me to be makulit. Diba, Enrico?!

Serious and Playful

Serious. I am serious with my life. I want to make it mean something. I do not have a specific goal I want to reach, because I believe that each day should have merit. I am serious about my work, I am out to prove my worth. I want to make sure whatever company I am with, they know that I am worth (or even worth more) the money they compensate me with. Excellence is my battle cry. I do not like being told I was good. I want to be told I was excellent. And so I work hard. Same is true with my family. I aim to be the best dad and son. I want my family to feel lucky that I am theirs. ;)

Playful. But sometimes, I don't take myself or my life too seriously. I know how to relax and enjoy. I know when to say, "it doesn't matter" and "so what?!" when things don't turn out the way I want them to. When I get stressed, I play. That's why I LOVE yahoo. I can surf for hours. Yahoo take me to another world (boring world according to Enrico and Khay :) I try not to stress myself out too much, lest I get hyperventilated (for those who don't know, I have hyperventilation -- medical condition when breath just falls off -- for me, when I'm stressed).

Random things about me:

1. I like cats and dogs. Some are cat-people, some are dog-people, I am both.


2. I have "shopping" moods. I can go for months without buying any new piece of clothing or pair of shoes, but when there are good finds, I BUY. :D

3. My favorite "sale" places are Girbaud, F & H, Bass and Lacoste. Coz when they go on sale, normally, what's left are MY sizes. And sale talaga, as in 40 - 70% off!

4. I am a Sonya's addict. Sometimes, I crave the food. I hate it that they're in Tagaytay and that we need to drive so far to enjoy the place and the salad (and the pasta and the breads and spreads, and Ian's favorite - candied kamote). Thanks to Enrico! For driving!!

5. I LOVE buffets! Any kind! Breakfast buffet, lunch buffet, merienda buffet!! I've tried a lot, cheap, expensive, mid-priced. My favorites are: Sonya's Garden in Tagaytay, Thai Kitchen in Galleria, Dad's in Megamall, Saisaki in Megamall, Josephine's in Tagaytay. Sa hotels, the best breakfast I've tried so far is Manila Peninsula followed by InterContinental Manila. Lunch naman 7 Corners (especially for dessert) in Crowne Plaza. Ay basta, ask me about buffet, I will answer with so much gusto! I just love it! Hehehe.

6. I am right-handed. Again, as I've mentioned before. Right-handed people are SUPPOSEDLY good painter. Not me. Hehehe.

7. I am shy. As in mahiyain. Yes, it's true. I don't really know how I’m into training. It puzzles me to this day. ;)


8. I am low-tech. Hahaha. Ask me about computers, I know nothing! Talk to me about techie stuff and I space out. I leave those things to the experts. I just know how to use the PC for the common stuff - Office, games, Multiply, friendster, other specifications :D

9. I don't like strawberries and ampalaya. I am not picky when it comes to food, I can eat anything EXCEPT those two. Anything strawberry DOES NOT appeal to me. I think it's because all the medicine I was made to take as a kid was strawberry flavored. Hehehe. Ampalaya naman coz it's bitter (obviously, kaya nga bitter gourd ang pangalan eh. hehehe). I like sweet and spicy stuff, not bitter.

Whew! That's a lot of stuff about me. Maybe more than what you'd like to know. Hehehe. Now that you know a bit more about me, I want to get to know you better too!

30 August, 2009

This is Kalebra

We left at a friends’ wedding half past 7PM, He used to drive his car even if he’s dizzy but not this time. Win and I had been on the road for about fifteen minutes, flabbergasted that I had to drive faster (as fast as I can) than usual. Win felt a strange tingling in his arm, flexing his fingers. Then, suddenly, he felt as if he couldn’t get a deep breath. He opened his jacket and even opened the car window to get some air. The air didn’t help. He felt a hot wave of dizziness and then a piercing pain in his head, like something popping inside. The sight in one eye went black. He blinked but couldn’t bring it back. I hit the emergency warning flashers and struggled to slow down the car and steer it over to the shoulder of the road, straight ahead to the hospital.

When I reached the hospital, we went straight to the emergency room. I knew every wing of the hospital from many times I had gone there. I walked up to the nursing station just outside the emergency area to get some more help. Suddenly I found myself behind the curtained area. I took a deep breath, trying hard to control the emotions welling up inside me. It was frightening for a while. (pakiramdam ko nakalutang ako sa hangin sa sobrang takot). I’ve waited for several hours when I was brought together with the attending physician to where Win is confined. They quickly explained Win’s condition. He had a stroke. The doctors said he’s lucky enough. He must have felt the stroke coming on and was able to tell me what’s going on with him.

The elevator doors slid open, I went straight to where I am heading. Win was lying in a hospital bed, attached to an array of frightening-looking tubes and machines. (nag flashback sa akin yung mga times na nasa ospital ang tatay ko) I walked toward him, feeling as if I were in a dream. His face looked strangely peaceful. I sighed and took his hand and leaned over. ”You have to fight now, this is the fight of your life, we’re all waiting for you” I whispered. A silent cry to heaven rose up within me. I felt as if the room were spinning in circles. I couldn’t think, couldn’t see straight. I wasn’t sure if I sat there for minutes or hours. When I picked my head up, my neck felt stiff. I came to my feet trying to orient myself. He’s father must be told how serious the situation has become.

This was going to be hard, seeing a dear friend suffered so much. I felt immensely sad. Do you know what the worst thing in the world is? It’s to not be wanted. That’s what I’ve felt like most of my life. I’ve dedicated all my time and life to friends I thought was real. With everything that’s gone wrong with my life, that’s exactly what it feels like. But Win changed that thought. He gave in to the friendship much of what I have expected. For him, it doesn’t matter how short or long the friendship is, as long as it’s true. I began to fantasize about how much better my life could have been if I met him early on in my life. He’s very creative in helping others find solution to problems. Win struck most people as distant, a loner type. But there was a side of him that was keenly aware of people in need and the ways he could help them. He was just quiet about it.

Finally, at nearly 2 A.M., the doctor reported that Win’s condition had stabilized. Though he was still in danger, he encouraged us to go home and get some rest. I am too exhausted to speak. I wish there was something I could do. I reached the path to the front door, feeling frozen to the bone, felt heavy and numb. I realized that each day is a precious, sacred gift, my friends. We walk this earth for a blink of an eye. Some friends will treat you nice and make you feel important according to your bank account, the car you’re driving etc. When you’re down and out you’re nothing, not realizing how we might be hurting others, not realizing that the golden tomorrow when we planned to say ‘I love you’ and ‘I am sorry’ may never come…

Thanks Win for this wonderful friendship you’ve shared. With you I feel important, I feel wanted and loved. I’ll pray for your fast recovery.

I also pray for good health for my sisters Ferie and Mench, for I can’t live without their friendships. I love them both with all my heart.